so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
