and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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