I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
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