i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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