His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
