you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
