Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
