thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
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