You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
