On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
