Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
