My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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