.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
