dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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