I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
