Your face is a jimmy john
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
