He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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