would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
