I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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