Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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