he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
