i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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