I'm jealous of your bromance
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
