I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
