After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
