i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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