somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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