I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
