I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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