Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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