gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She's the barista slut.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
