his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
