Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I am one with the molecules
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
