Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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