How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
