2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
