I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I did not marry a roomba.
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