I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
