I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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