textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
