i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I checked into jail on foursquare
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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