At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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