New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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