Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
