As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
They have beer where we have blood.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
