Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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