So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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