Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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