I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
