My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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